Silver cloud in my music career

In last 3 years, it's become obvious i don't have a lot of aptitude for playing all these i bought or obtained somehow:

♠ fretted and unfretted guitar,
♣ fretless bass guitar,
♥ clarinet,
♦ cello.

I *can* play piano and flute without inflicting pain (I might remember how to play marinba/xylophone if i bought one, also)

But: I must be one of the best pianists in Seattle area with long fingernails, I'll be announcing the First Seattle International Fingernail Piano Competition.  It'll be like racewalking, if judges don't hear constant clicking, you're DQ'd and immediately pulled from performing. Immediately, like instantaneously.